Friday, lovely friday

After every high there's a low.

The last of them just went home. The newly formed Destruction Crew previously known as the Bachelor Crew a.k.a. the Wedding Fair Guys dropped by my place tonight for dinner.

It was nice. We had a great time. Good dinner together with good friends just can't be bad.

But after every high there's a low.

And now they've gone home. The only thing I'm left with is the unclean dishes and an empty apartment.

I'm playing Younha. Say Something and Someday. I feel terrible.

Would this have been a year ago or six months ago I would have concluded that something is missing.

And I guess something is missing. I feel so alone. And I know that I can do nothing about it, cause' the rules say that if you look then you won't find.

Question is though; do I pity myself? I think not. I only feel miserable. And alone.

This, in itself, would not be a problem. Because in the same way that there's always a low after a high, there's always a sun behind the clouds.

No, the problem is that it's starting to happen more often of late. Tonight's allright, but I had a really bad one just a couple of days back...


I think too much. I wish I could let it go, let it all go for a while...

Win, again

Okey, someone must be hinting at something.

Yesterday when I donated blood they gave me a lottery ticket as a thank-you gift. Being a statistician I know how slim the chances are to win in these lotterys, so I never buy them myself. No, the only time when I ever get my hands on one is when I get it for donating blood.

I won 50kr on my ticket. This is the third time in a row I win on the ticket I get for donating blood. What's the chances for that?

Luck, I know. But being somewhat religious at least makes me wonder if there's anyone up there toying with me and my stubborness towards lotterys - just for the shear fun of it.

Cuase', I might only be a half-n-half believer in the divine spirit - but in statistics however I'm most faithful. So, dear God, are you toying with me, or is this only reward for something I've done good?

I guess we'll never know the answer of that...

It's a good cause

I was just down at the bloodbus and donated blood.

Well, that's good of you-

Yes, you should do it too.

Huh? What? Why? Why should I?

Because it's your responsibility as a citizen.

Say what?! But you're a liberal, you always say that everybody should have to choose for themselves!

Yes, I do, but I also think that it's a poor character who doesn't choose to help a fellow citizen when the only thing you're actually giving away is a small portion of your time.

So if nine out of ten aren't blood donors then you'd say they have a bad character?

Potentially. And it's 97 out of a 100 - only three percent of the swedish polulation donates blood regularly! It's pitiful, honestly.

That's mean.

Might be. But I'm right, am I not? People need to take greater responsibility. For themselves. For others. This world will go to hell otherwise.

If you say so...

On Fuckwads

Imo this theory is scaringly accurate:

Penny Arcade

What's more; it's applicable on the society as a whole: Anonymity can affect our behaviour, and it's sadly mostly for the bad.

My opinion is extreme, but overall I don't see that big use of anonymity - people are resposible for their own action and should suffer the consequences thereafter. Always. Good or bad. It's never fair when someone else has to pay for a fault that is on you. Neither is it ever fair when someone claims credit for something you've done.

Noteworthy is that here I'm talking about anonymity on the personal, local level. I'm not a fan of it on the aggregated level either, but there I see it as a necessity. Hell, I see the necessity of anonymity everywhere in society - but that doesn't mean I have to like it, right?

Someone told me I'm overreacting.

"Can you spare a smoke?"

"um, no? Do I look like a frickin' smoker, or something?"

I didn't say that, but I sure wanted to. One other response that would have been rather fun would have been to just laugh and walk away. But that's rather mean, and I'm not sure it really fits my personality...

I'll take it from the beginning:
Yesterday when I was walking to my dancing class a youth came out of a kiosk right in front of me. He was maybe 16 or 17, but obviously not 18 as he'd apparently been denied to buy a pack of cigarettes from the store owner. He looked rather bewildered, and the first thing he did when he saw me was to blurt out the question. I said "no" and kept walking.

No, this is not the first time I've been asked this. Hell', we've all been asked to buy cigarettes for kids. But now it was really a long time ago since last time. No, what I'm really curious about is:

Do I look like a smoker?

Probably not. Just pure chance. But still. Just the thought that anyone might actually think that I look like a smoker sickens me bad. And it annoys me even more...

It's like lickin' an ashtray, is that not what they're saying?

"We advice everybody to stay home..."



It's not that fun, but it still makes you laugh.


It's been chaos in traffic since this weekend - so much snow and down to -25 degrees celcius. I've been daring traffic both yesterday and today, trying out what routes that are viable from a time perspective and what routes that are not when you're trying to get into town. Turned out taking extra busses is a slow process, and same goes for trying to go around all the 'hot spots'.

Tomorrow I'll brave the commuter. We'll see if that is an improvement, but I figure it will be. (swapping once instead of thrice to get to school just can't be a bad thing...)

So now I'm off to finish my curriculum and then attend class.

Laters' everybody

The death-trance lovechild

What happens when you combine trance with death metal?

You get something like this:

Hooks on to you and just don't want to let go...

This i Blood Stain Child. They've been around for a while, and I remember listening to them once two or three years back, but back then I wasn't that impressed.

I still don't know if I am. Or, well, I'm impressed, but am I impressed enough to buy their album, or is it enough to listen to them at ransom on youtube? I don't know - time will tell, as always.

Here's another of their songs, this one without a video. Figured I'd stow it away here so that I don't have to go looking for it when I want it.

There's something about their music that is totally addicting, but at the same time it makes me sleepy - and that can't be a good thing when it comes to death metal...

ヂンナー nam nam

"Big victories win you glory. Small victories win you wars." (wish I could remember who said that...)

My small victory today was that I finally managed my pasta-with-tomatosauce to taste good! In my previous five-or-so tries I've managed to make it edible - I've eaten it all, but never really appreciated it to any certain extent.

Tonight it was gooood however - I'm even considering preparing a second plate... humm...

My meal didn't look this good - but it's all the same if you close your eyes, right? haha

A night to remember

Yesterday David Westerlund and Erik Eklund, together with many more, held a big tribute consert to what might be one of the most renown videogame series of all time; Castlevania.

This was big.

I say it again: This was big.

Thing is, I don't think anyone who's not in the loop will understand really how big this was.

Maybe an example is in place? Michiru Yamane was there. And she performed in person. Not once, not twice, but three times. And one of those performances was a symphonic suite of Waltz of the Pearls (known as The Dance of Pales here in the west) specially written for this one occasion...

How often does a world leading videogame composer write something speially for a one-time concert for a swedish audience?

You guessed it.

The sound is better in the second video, but the first one really captures the atmosphere.

It was gamers heaven. I loved every minute of it. My only complaint is that the soundpicture and lighting was a bit odd throughout the show (it's not just the cameras in the videos) - imo they should have replaced that guy handling that, for the audience sake.

But good music is still music, and this is a night I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

Thank you.

Wedding rehearsal (a bit ahead of time)

I was planning on covering this back on monday, but something came up (read: I had to start preparing for the class I held yesterday morning. confidence intervals are mean bitches). Better late than never, however.

What do you do on Valentines day?

You date. Correct. 5 points.

Even more so if Valentines day is on a frickin' sunday.

What did I do then, this year? Well, I sure as [something that you're very sure of] didn't date, at least. No, instead I spent the whole day working on a wedding fair, as a model (who'd have thought?).

So why is it that someone like I got the chance to shine for a day? My cousin. You see; it's her that's been organizing this whole event from the start. And when some models dropped of in the last minuted (not really minute; some two or three weeks before the event) she got the brilliant idea of calling in a favor from me.

Ain't that great?

Sure was, and it gets better: She asked med to check if I had any friends who were interested in joining as well. Said and done, 36 hours later me and four of my happy friends signed up for service. And the rest, as they say, is history. (Maybe not history in a global sense, but damn sure history for the five of us!)

I'm looking forward to doing this for real someday...

All five of us - handsome bunch, eh? keke

I want one of those hats!

Closing tabs

That phrase is something I've picked up from Neil Gaiman. Self-explanatory and all.

You know how I get stuck on individual songs from time to time? This weekend I've had three that I've played over, and over, and over whenever I've been given the chance.

The first one ain't new. Honestly, it was quite old when I found it on youtube a month or two back, and back then I was just grossed out by the video. I'm not a fan of the singers new haircut, disapprove greatly on his piercings, likewise on the guitarist pinytail. Apart from this some parts of the video is somewhat disturbing.

That's why I listened to it once, and then forgot about it, not giving it a second chance.

Yesterday I gave it the second chance it deserved, and this time I only listened to the song and didn't watch the video. It was a great improvement.

I'm talking about Engels latest single Sense the Fire.

Some may like the video, but I just don't

I wonder when the second album is coming out? The first one just keeps on growing in my eyes ever since I bought it back in april (or something) last spring. Guess we'll just have to wait and see...


The second song is Yuis new single Gloria.

Once I had a friend who looked very much like Yui - pity that didn't fall out too well

This song's got quite the story behind it. From what I hear it it's about overcoming hardships, primarily referring to the stress put on students to pass exams in Japan. As I don't know enough details I won't go into why, however, but take my word for it (or ask someone japanese, they'll know).

Also, some second hand (or rather; 3rd or 4th hand) information on how big this song is (and how big Yui is) in the east:

"With over 81,000 units sold within the first week, singer-songwriter YUI's single 'GLORIA' (released on the 20th) has for the first time captured the No.1 position on the 2/1 single ranking. She has officially become the 2nd female singer-songwriter in history to achieve 4 consecutive No.1 singles since Utada Hikaru 7 years ago."
From Yui-Lover through Yui no Fanblog.

Again, like many of Yuis songs this one didn't impress me on the first playthrough, but on the second (and after) I started to see why it's performed as well as it has. It's like I never want to admit to myself that I like her music for one reason or another, but every time my futile attempts of dislike is overwhelmed by the sheer fact that it's good music.

Try it. You'll like it.


Last out of the three is a korean artist named (wiki). I looked her up after reading this article about her in Korean Herald.

No video on this one - but it's all right, you should only listen to this anyway

Deep and soulful, and totally addicting. I knew it after twenty seconds that I need to buy this album. For all those lazy sunday mornings, y'know...


Those were the three songs I've had on loop the whole weekend. Moving on to some honorable mentions:

Yesterday my parents hosted a family dinner, and right after we were done with the eating they figured it was a good idea to play the second (out out four (I think)) sub finals which they had recorded the day before.

This, normally, brings me excruciating pain (both to my ears and to my soul) - so imagine my surprise when the first song up was Erik Saades Manboy and I found myself liking it!

Pretty catchy

I know, without a doubt, that this would never have happend a year ago, and same is true for the year before that. Question is; what have caused this change of heart? Personally, I think it has something to do with my ever-increasing interest for korean and japanese pop, and through these markets I'm slowly working my way back to western pop music as well. I guess we'll never know for sure, but to seems plausible to me.

And, speaking of korean pop: Below is SNSD's latest single Oh! - I listened to it a lot a couple of weeks back, but never got to putting the link up on the blog. So here it is.

Compare this to european or american pop - it's still pop, but the difference is huge


And that's that, as they said. Tabs closed. Now back to work.

Leaving office at 21:15, now ain't that nice?

Monday to thursday I've been at school some time between 07:30 and 08:30. Today I worked from at home before lunch and got to school at 13~. Tuesday was the only day when I was home before 21:00 so that I could refill my food stock.

Work, work, work, as the peon says. What I've been doing is that I've tried to set an example for myself, to see if I can manage this work burden without suffering a mental collapse.

So far, so good.

I guess it's not unrealistic to promise myself that it won't stay this way. Next week will be the same, but once I get into pace I will be able to manage my time more freely again.

At least that's what I'm telling myself, haha.

Link. Note that she's reading Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman.

But, honestly: For the last couple of years I have (to and frough) been working pretty hard to 'grow up', to behave like an adult. I've come to realize that it obviously is a transendence that creeps upon you with time, rather than something that dawns on you over a night. I'm hopeful this experience is a step in the right direction.

cause', in commitment comes priorities, as you all know. And, for all the good that comes right now, I feel that I'm turning equally sized possibilitys just for the shear lack of time and energy.

I want to eat the cake and yet keep it. Or, rather, I want to eat both cakes. My choice is between focusing wholeheartedly on my studies in statistics or to develop my interest in asian culture; lately I've felt my interest for Japan starting to cool, and at the same time my interest for Korea and Korean culture is just deepening by the minute.

What should I do? The thing that is fun and guarantees a bright future, or the thing that might (yet might not) be even more fun but holds a far more uncertain (and more indebted) future? If I could save my life, just like in the videogames, I'd pick the second one without thinking twice.

But now I can't, cause' we're talking life here, and not video games. So I'm going for the first one, as you all have guessed by now.

The interesting question of it all would be why I feel like there's actually no choice at all, why I'm picking the first path without thinking of the second one as nothing more than a hypothetical posibility saved for dreams?

Is it my upbringing speaking? "Keep it real. Don't overdo it." Is it my genes? Am I genetically programmed to take the secure path before the risky one? Is it my collection of experiences? Safe road guaranteed profit, crazy road not much so...

I don't know. But then again; who does, ever?

naaaa nana nana na na na nana na na na naaaa

Listen to this song:



Then read this coming strip:



Spot on, don't you agree?

Hold the line

"You all know the mission, and what is at stake.
I have come to trust each of you with my life -- but I have also heard murmurs of discontent. I share your concerns. We are trained for espionage; we would be legends, but the records are sealed. Glory in battle is not our way.

Think of our heroes; the Silent Step, who defeated a nation with a single shot. Or the Ever Alert, who kept armies at bay with hidden facts. These giants do not seem to give us solace here, but they are not all that we are.
Before the network, there was the fleet. Before diplomacy, there were soldiers!
Our influence stopped the rachni, but before that we held the line! Our influence stopped the krogan, but before that, we held the line!

Our influence will stop Saren; in the battle today, we will hold the line!"

This is a quote from the first Mass Effect by a Salarian captain named Kirrahe. I remember the moment clearly; the tense, yet solemn atmosphere. It's quite interesting how speeches can touch you the way they do.

Rhetorics is a fearful weapon indeed.


Yesterday was my babys birthday. Two and a half year now since we let her pass away.

Happy birthday Ronja.

Everybody down here miss you a lot.

I don't know who was the most surprised; mom or the dog

Obviously this would have been posted yesterday, if it wasn't for the fact that the page was down for maintainance when I tried... -_-

Typ fyra år sedan jag träffade henne nu

Yesterday me and my brother took a beginners class in popping. We will be doing it for rest of this semester, and we're both incredibly psyched up about it.

Afterwards we had dinner at my place, and while I was cooking (or is it baking, when you're preparing pizza?) Oskar put on Yellowcard on the stereo.

Right then, a lot of stuff came crashing back on me. I listened to Yellowcard a lot back in spring 2006 when Petra and me still were a couple.

This was our favorite song of the band. Everytime I hear it I remember her sleeping on my shoulder. And, dusting of this memory takes me into a spiral, it makes me remember so many more. Everything we had. How happy I was. And how sadly it all ended.

It's a journey every time: From unconditional joy to bitter sadness, all within the boundries of roughly three minutes.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the power of music.

På tal om Mass Effect 2

So, yeah, I finished it this morning.

Damn good. Definitely one of the best games I've ever played.

The Illusive Man. Clearly an icon for the game.

Won't give you a big review like I did on the last one though, as that review is by far one of the worst blog updates I've let this blog suffer since its invention. Short version is that everything its predecessor did good, it does good. And everything its predecessor did bad, it does good as well. Short and simple: it's an amazing game.

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